As the first year of the X-Files series by Topps draws to a close, we find ourselves at the concluding part of Feelings of Unreality. Mulder and Scully are closer than ever to the truth, but can they finally unravel the conspiracy? Read after the jump to find out.
The issue opens on Mulder and Scully preparing to attend court while Scully types out what she refers to as her "final report as an agent for the X-Files division". She comments on how aware she is of the scrutiny her words will face, and considers her report an obligation not only to the hard work and sacrifice she and Mulder have put in so far, but also to the truth. As the title page unfolds to reveal a giant two-page spread - The Nightmare of History - we see Mulder reading out his statement to a packed courtroom while across the room Colleen Dunne sits beside the Smoking Man. A close look at the gallery reveals not only Skinner, but the Lone Gunmen watching on. A quote from Philip K. Dick sits in the corner reminding us starkly that, "reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away". Mulder begins his presentation to the court, displaying films and photographs confiscated from the offices of Project Aquarius, however he acknowledges that such evidence can be faked and instead reveals, somewhat shockingly in the middle of an apparently public courtroom, the body of an alien-human hybrid.
Sometime later it would seem, Scully continues her report by admitting the pride she has in her partner and her surprise at "the profound implications" their work has had. Saving her report she heads down to see Mulder who has a handwritten sign attached to his office door reading "FBI's Most Unwanted". Mulder is cocky, more so than is usual for him which I wasn’t even sure was possible, and Scully comments that success appears to suit him. He replies that the door sign is still up but that his work is now garnering far more attention, however he is disappointed that following their success, Scully won't be working with him any more. She too is disappointed but admits that "the opportunity to head the first public research team studying alien DNA" was simply "too tempting". If alarm bells weren't already ringing in your head that something wasn't quite right in this story, then I'm sure they're deafening by now! Scully and Mulder joke about how there's still "a scientific explanation" for everything until Skinner bursts into the room and demands to know where they have been "for the last three weeks". Scully clutches at her head and knocks over a glass of ice water which slowly transforms into the ilbal.
The agents walk out into the still-dubious woodland surrounding Quantico, trying to figure out which of their recent memories actually happened. Another agent claims to have seen the two of them walk outside with Colleen and the ilbal so they are attempting to retrace their steps. The pair discuss how despite dealing with all manner of "beasts that go bump in the night", they are unprepared and unequipped to deal with a force capable of both controlling the body and altering memories. Scully admits that the pair were "easy prey" for the fantasy Colleen unleashed on them both and Mulder admits that it wouldn't be the first time he had succumbed to such a fantasy "this week". Scully is understandably shocked but Mulder decides not to say anymore, even though he argues with himself in his head that he should. He admits to himself that he is "not alright at all" as he realises he now has to question his memory. Not just of recent events, but of everything in his life, leading back to his memories of Samantha and of her abduction.
Late that night, Mulder sits alone in his apartment watching the TV where someone is being questioned in the Senate Chamber. While he watches, stony faced, Mulder “talks” to us about his “experiences with memory”. He recalls not only his deep regression hypnosis, but also the time his short-term memories were “eradicated” in “Deep Throat”. Added to the events of the comic series so far, Mulder draws us a picture of a man who has come to deeply distrust his own mind after being shown how it can be manipulated, altered, and used against him. He tells us about what happened when he put on the ilbal, of his meeting with an Eidolan - a creature that looks like a stereotypical alien but composed purely of ideas, “existing between my mind and the world”, and how he was given the opportunity to know everything but couldn’t bring himself to trust and was sent away. Crucially, Mulder tells us that because he can no longer trust his memories, “for the first time, logically, I have to consider the possibility that what happened to Samantha may not have happened the way I remember it”. It is a heartbreaking revelation to hear in his words, far more well-put than the similar idea would be presented on the show 18 months later in “Gethsemane”/”Redux”.
Across town, Scully is also awake, tossing and turning in her bed. Although bothered by the same turn of events, Scully is processing everything in her usual rational way, methodically processing the evidence that she could use to get her answers. She suddenly remembers typing her report and grabs her computer. The next morning find her and Mulder at the quaintly named “Computer Division” at FBI Headquarters where one of the lab assistants explains to Mulder us what a hard drive is and how it works (because 1996). He manages to find some fragments of data that lead them back to Our Lady of Fatima: the church we first visited back in issue one. The Father isn’t pleased to see them, pointing out - to their surprise - that this is their third visit of the year and that each time they visit they give him “cause to regret your presence”. Definitely sounds like Mulder!
Inside the church they find Colleen Dunne who admits to being the whole of Project Aquarius, however her powers have now been lost. Mulder guesses that the gas she was exposed to in Neola back in 1948 had an unexpected effect on her and Colleen agrees, explaining that she became able to read thoughts, manipulate minds and remember everything she ever saw, heard or felt from that day on - overwhelming her brain. Desperate “to find a single truth that felt real”, she turned on her captors, making them believe they were part of another conspiracy and using them to uncover “extremes of experience” many of which we have seen through the series so far: the Fatima Prophecy, the Firebird.. She tells Mulder and Scully that the ilbal was her last chance at reaching the higher world she felt existed just out of her reach but the device “only magnified [her] pains”. Now, drained of her power to manipulate, she seeks salvation. Kneeling before a stained glass window depicting the appearance of Mary to the children at Fatima, she bemoans her belief that “there is no truth out there”.
A few weeks later on a snowy December evening, Mulder trudges through Washington D.C. with a brightly wrapped present under his arm. As he walks he reflects on recent events. The truth has once again slipped through his fingers but this time Mulder is not filled with “rage and frustration” this time, because he believes Colleen was wrong. The truth IS out there and it leaves traces behind, his own life is one of those traces and he will “follow that thread, no matter how slim” until he finds it. Joining Scully on a park bench, he jests that once again they have moved “three steps forward, three steps back”. He thanks Scully for her help in recovering the computer files and hands her the gift, which she unwraps to reveal a t-shirt that reads, ”’He who does not remember the past is…’ Ooops. I forgot the rest of the quote!” Scully is amused by the gift but more grateful to see Mulder looking more cheerful. He replies simply that “it’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.”
